Unraveled

Living Life in Real Time

Just Made Me Laugh January 11, 2010

Filed under: My Best This Week — Unraveled @ 6:38 pm

Ok – it probably wasn’t the most profound thing I read this week, but it was definitely was the thing that made me laugh the hardest. Just read on and you’ll see what I mean. So, I’ll change my title somewhat to reflect…

The thing that I read this week that made me laugh the hardest:)…

Background on where the story starts…Craig Ferguson is 8 years old and celebrating his birthday by going on a small trip with his uncle (Gunka).  To celebrate they eat way too many fish and chips and engage on a harrowing bus ride home…which has a minor interruption…I’ll skip the non-essential parts…here we go.

“I was replete and food-stoned as Gunka held my hand and helped me to waddle like a chubby duck back to the bus station…”

“…The jiggling of the rattly old bus worked bad juju on my tubby wee body full of potatoes and lard.  Gunka saw the look on my face, or maybe just its color.”

“Do you feel sick?” he asked. “I nodded.”  “Do you need to go to the bathroom?”  I nodded.  “A pee?” – he hardly dared say it – “or something else?”  “Something else,” I squeaked guiltily.  “Really bad.” …”Can you hold it?” he inquired tentatively.  I shook my head.  I couldn’t speak now.  All my concentration was on clenching.

He sprang to action:  reeling up the center aisle of the bus like a sailor in high seas as it careered around the winding roads, he made his way down to the front…”

“I couldn’t hear what they were saying but it seemed the conversation was getting a little heated.  I was a little heated myself.  I had been judiciously letting out teeny cautious farts to relieve the pressure, but even that now seemed too dangerous.  Eventually the driver pulled to the side of the road at the tiny village of Moodiesburn…”

“We got off, me moving very carefully like a miniature John Wayne because the pressure was excruciating…”

“After I was finished, she” (a little old lady in a sweet little old cottage where he did his business) “sent us back outside to wait for the next bus in the rain.  I didn’t want to stay in there, anyway.  I wanted to get as far away from what happened in that bathroom as I could, and the sooner the better.”

From the book:  Craig Ferguson, American on Purpose.

Just the picture of all this made me laugh hysterically…Little John Wayne:)!  Admit it…you’ve been there.  Just thinking about it now…well…part of living is laughing at other people….oops…I meant to say laughing with other people.  Laughing at other people would just be mean.  Can’t wait to read the rest of the book!

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